the only broken hearted loser you'll ever need

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 03:33:47 GMT

new journal, add me, it's transitgloria07

i've already added all you guys over there

i guess that it's typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again...

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 07:11:01 GMT

i'm starting to realize that after i graduate that's it. i'm gone. eight months left of my life here. i'm trying out for corps in november and i don't care where i have to go as long as i'm marching, but i do plan on going to crown to see what happens. after graduation i'll probably have to move out to wherever i go as soon as possible. and that will be it. i won't come home to here anymore. not even after finals. my parents will be gone somewhere else where i've never lived and never called home, and instead i'll be going out there until i have to go to college wherever that may be. this is scary. i always say i hate this town and i can't wait to get away from some of the people here, but i can't help thinking about not coming here again after i leave. i know it's a long way off. i guess i just have to enjoy these last eight months. it seems like a long long time, but i know it will end up passing quickly and i won't know where the time went.

i've had a lot of things happen with friends in the past few weeks. i talked to someone on the phone the other week and he said alot of things to me that really stuck in my head. i can't let any of this bullshit drag me down, i can't get involved in this drama. i'm a stronger person than that. i need to just get through senior year. get good grades. get in a good college. focus on that. i'm not totally sure where i'm going yet... but i'm hoping i can get into georgia tech. i would love it.

i think i might've lost a good friend last week, and i'm not really sure why. i'm not really sure what's going on. i guess everything happens for a reason. maybe i'll see that sometime. i just didn't really expect what happened to happen. "things change. and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody." story of my life right now. maybe our friendship is still there, i don't know. i guess in time i'll find out.

48 days left of marching band. it still hasn't hit me that this is the last one, no more after this. BOA is this weekend, i really hope that we do well. another medal would be nice to have.

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 04:21:59 GMT

So today was the first day of my last band camp. I'm already tired and sunburned, but that's ok.

It definitely doesn't feel like this is it, this is the last one. We got 2/3 of the opener learned today with drill, which is really really good. The guard I think will have a great year. I'm excited.

This year's definitely going to be different for me though. So many people that have always been there are gone. It's a big change.

you've only been gone for a day but i already miss you...

---------------------------------

I'm glad to say that we met but I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't on our side.
So go on, go on be your own, go on be your own star.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 06:52:47 GMT

so yesterday i had my last day of my last guard camp. it doesn't feel like this is it. i don't know when it will, but it really doesn't feel like it.

i just want to get senior year over with.

my parents keep talking to me about college. i don't know what i'm doing. i'm really starting to think about going to atlanta. they want me to go to colorado, but i really don't want to.

i don't want summer to be over yet.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 06:57:04 GMT

the cadets are the worst thing i have EVER seen.

cavaliers, on the other hand, are AMAZING this year.

i'll write more tomorrow after i get home.

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 06:00:23 GMT

a lot of stuff has happened lately, this past week has been drama central.

It's sad when you know so many people working in one restaraunt that they all know your business (or they think they do anyway...) and you have your waitress go bitch about you to other waiters. NOT OKAY. I'll just say that i had a bad experience with this at Outback a few days ago, and I think I have a right to be pissed. Basically a server who DOES NOT know me but has heard things about me from other servers was standing in the back bitching about me to other servers for a completely stupid reason. Basically she was pissed because I keep going in there with Chris, there's more to it, but anyway... I'll just say this slightly angered me but whatever.

but i'm in Denver now, AWAY from all the craziness in Clevegas, and I'm going to a drum corps show on Saturday. I flew out to DENVER for a drum corps show, and I get to see Jeff out here which should be cool. Hopefully he actually acts happy to see me...

Well I'm going up to the room and going to bed. I made it out here alive after a long day of travelling.

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 07:39:11 GMT

I'm home finally. Spending time with Adrienne was great since I hadn't seen her since May.

DCI in Denver is just a week away!!!!! I can't wait to finally get to see the shows, and i'll have quite a few friends performing there.

life is interesting right now... there's just a lot of crazy unnecessary drama going on and it's real stupid and a certain few of my friends are becoming extremely possessive and i just can't handle this shit. i guess they'll learn when i quit being so nice about everything that's been going on lately.

--------------------------------------------------

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 00:57:52 GMT

What the HELL is up with me and drummers? That's all I have to say about today right now... today's been effing INSANE... I've got this 24 year old drummer dude hitting on me and it's just out of control...

Anyway, happy 4th of July!!!

Adrienne and I went to Coolidge last night and listened to the orchestra play, got to hear the 1812 overture, and then see the fireworks. Erin and her boyfriend happened to be there so we sat with them, I hadn't seen her in quite awhile so that was fun. then we went to the gym at like 12 and worked out for about an hour and blasted rap over the stereo system in there since we had it to ourselves.

Today we've just been lazy and sat around, we stayed up till like 6:30 sending crazy texts to people, haha. Adrienne's grandmother came over and her parents grilled some food and it was great. We're supposed to go swim at her friend's house in alittle while, watch some fireworks, and then we'll probably go work out at the gym again late tonight.

I need you like water in my lungs

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 06:21:26 GMT

I started to update this thing and I had a lot of things I wanted to write but now that I am I really don't know what to put on here.

Today was okay i guess... I've just been in a kind of weird mood all day. Went to church with Chris, then ate at Outback with him and his family. We had Dave as our server and that's always fun. Then I went to Chris's house, painted a bass drum on his wall, and got home around 12 something.

Tomorrow I'm going to go live with Adrienne until Wednesday because I haven't seen her since May and I miss her. We'll probably go to the lake or something, I don't know.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
I've been thinking about that quote a lot lately. For a lot of reasons.

Life
is
crazy.
extremely right now.
and it's getting worse.
stress
stress
and more stress.
It's summer. summer should be stress free. but it's not.

I've got a guy that likes me. I don't know what's going to be the outcome of this... I'm just worried about hurting him. I hate hurting people.

I've been having issues with trust in people. I find someone I think I can trust, and other person I trust more tells me not to trust this other person even if it seems like i can, and other person tells me not to trust the other one. ha. that's confusing. i've just had a lot of stuff happen lately to cause trust issues... and last week i had some issues with some so-called "friends." it's just really making me realize who my true friends are in the outcome of all this shit.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 06:02:43 GMT

I can't sleep so I guess I'll update this.

My trip to Denver was fun for the most part. My dad's hotel/apartment was in the middle of downtown so everything was within walking distance which was cool. We just went around town, shopped, went to some nice places to eat, and visited some family we have out there. Aside from traveling on Sunday the trip went well.

Sunday made me really really hate airports. First our flight gets delayed by almost two hours because of weather in Atlanta. All other flights were supposed to be delayed also but for whatever reason our flight to Chattanooga wasn't so we missed it. Then the next and last flight to Chattanooga gets cancelled. We wasted four hours in the airport just trying to arrange a way to get home and trying to get our luggage. We couldn't get our luggage so we took the shuttle home and had to go to walmart at 1 something in the morning and finally got home at 2. The next day the flight with our luggage got delayed and finally got to the chattanooga airport over two hours after it was supposed to. Not fun. And after all of this I have to fly out to Denver on the 13th and back on the 16th. ugh.

I'm really excited about marching band this season, the show concept seems great and I can't wait to start learning drill at guard camp. This year's going to be kind of weird for me though, so many people that've always been there are going to be gone and instead I'll be the senior.

The DCI show was a standstill because they decided that the field was too slick even though it quit raining around 2 and the show didn't start until 7:30 so I was pissed after a 2 hour car trip and I'd been hearing such great things about everyone's shows. Oh well. We walked around the lot some and watched a few drumlines and cavies hornline warm up. The Cadets had their guard perform still, good work but really dirty and a bit droppy. Then again they couldn't practice all day because of rain. All the music sounded great though, I can't wait until Denver in two weeks!!! It was so weird walking around the lot after the show though. It just reminded me of what I'm missing and how I should be living that lifestyle right now. I should be in EUROPE right now. Jeff really was right in what he said, and I understand now why he was being so hard on me about taking the year off. There's nothing I can do about it now, and instead of having six years like I should I'll have five in the end. Spirit has a few open guard spots and I saw Caitlin after the show, I said she could've called me and she just straight up said to me "you couldn't handle it." ugh. I can't believe that. What abunch of shit. I made a new friend from cavies, his name is Joe, we talked for alittle while in the lot, he's a cool guy. Then we finally found Jeff and saw him for all of about 10 minutes but I'll get to see him again in Denver. There's a lot more I could say about marching and whatnot but I think I've written enough about this for now...

Today was fun for the most part. Went to Robert's mom's coworker's house and went kayaking on the Hiwassee. It was beautiful outside, but every time I'm at that river all I can think is that's the river that took my friend... Sometimes I still can't believe that happened. I still miss him so much.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 07:21:45 GMT

I really really do hate the Atlanta airport, especially after today. I just got home an hour ago and should've been home at 7:20. I also have no luggage. They cancelled the last flight to Chattanooga for some unknown probably stupid reason. And I have to do this again in July. Not looking forward to it.

One good thing that happened today, I met this really cool guy on the plane who's going to culinary school. He sat in front of me and we wrote notes back and forth. Maybe one day I'll find him on myspace or something, haha.

DCI in Sevierville tomorrow! I'm really excited about this, especially to see who comes out on top, Cadets or Cavies. Plus, I get to see Jeff tomorrow, and there'll be a few others there that I know.

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 04:10:03 GMT

Well it turns out I have internet access here at the hotel in Myrtle Beach. The weather is great here! And the ocean is beautiful. I can see it from where I'm sitting in our living room right now. It's so pretty at night. Yesterday and today Chris and I were lazy and just sat on our butts by the ocean. I'm slightly burned, but I tanned more than anything. I plan on frying myself more tomorrow. Chris forgot to put sunscreen on his knees and they're frikkin tomatoes, haha. Poor Chris. It's great to get away from Cleveland, although it's not completely stress free. Oh well, I can't complain. I just can't believe I still have the rest of the week here!

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 03:21:39 GMT

I'm leaving tonight for Myrtle Beach for a week with Chris and his family!!! I'm just hoping we won't kill each other this week, then again we already see each other like every day so it shouldn't be a problem.

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 07:55:13 GMT

Well the damn Braves lost 5 to 2. Oh well, at least the game was interesting after the first few innings. Overall today was great, and I'm really glad I was able to go with Bill and a few of his friends.

I'm leaving Friday to go to Myrtle Beach with Chris and his family, and I just found out today, and then the next week I'm going to Denver. Two weeks of vacations! Should be fun!

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 05:57:35 GMT

So me and Robert really got into it today. He decided he'd bring up what Bill said to him about the way him and Chris were acting at Outback, and he just went fucking insane and started yelling at me and starting saying all this bullshit about Bill and then he started talking shit about Dave and about how he didn't give a fuck about if he gets kicked out and blah blah blah. Then he blamed all of it on me and said it was all my fault that Bill said anything to him and just abunch of stupid shit. It really pissed me off, then he tried to get me to go eat with him. Fuck that.

Tomorrow I'm going to Atlanta, I haven't been in months so I'm excited! Hopefully the Braves won't suck tomorrow.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 06:10:14 GMT

Last night was fun... or parts of it were anyway. I went to eat dinner at Outback with Robert and Chris, big mistake. Of course they acted like total dumbasses and decided it'd be fun to throw ice across the table, and then proceeded to throw things at our waiter, Bill. I'm definitely over it, so I talked to him about it and he talked to them about it today, because lately they get worse every time we go in there. Basically if they do ANYTHING stupid the next time they go in there they're getting their asses kicked out. Therefore I'm not going in there with them for a while, if they want to go be stupid and get kicked out they can because i'll find it pretty damn funny. Anyway, so after dinner we all watched When A Stranger Calls and it was okay.

Today we all went to get some sushi at Shogun, Chris's dad paid for all of us which was awesome! Then we came to my house but Bill had to go home so just me, Robert, and Chris watched Saw.

I don't know what my plans are for tomorrow, I think I might go see the Omen, and Wednesday I get to go to an Atlanta Braves game with Bill!!! That's really exciting, I haven't gotten to go to a Braves game since I moved from Georgia years ago. I'm looking forward to it.

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 05:17:28 GMT

this week has been decent. it's gone by very very slowly and i'm not quite sure what to do with all of this free time. i've hung out with chris every day since monday. we didn't see robert all week until yesterday, we went to outback for dessert (which i got for free because it had been frozen) and of course the two of them together made me want to kill them. bill sat with us since he was off, i hadn't seen him in a while so that was cool. we might get to hang out monday and go get some sushi, i'm looking forward to that. i got a lot of things straightened about the other week and all is well now, but robert and chris won't stop making cracks about things i said so i'm ready to just go off on them one of these days. i'm just waiting for that day. well i think i'm going to go ahead and try to go get some sleep now, i have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow because i get to go to church, woo hoo.

Wed, 31 May 2006 06:16:15 GMT

just took this and thought it was kind of interesting...

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Needs a change in her circumstances or in her rela..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Wed, 31 May 2006 05:18:58 GMT

today's been shitty. real shitty. from the minute i woke up.

talking to you didn't help any. i was hoping talking to you would make me feel better. now i just feel worse about everything from a few days ago. i've told you i'm sorry i don't know how many times, but i guess that's not enough. i just hope you don't hate me now... i don't know what else i can say.

hung out with chris earlier, we went out to eat and then watched a movie. i think we might hang out again tomorrow but i'm not sure. we're trying to convince his parents to let him drive to the DCI show in sevierville, i'm really hoping we can go. it's one of the few things i'm looking forward to for this summer. i'll get to see jeff and caitlin there.

i feel really drained today, i'm probably going to end up going to bed sometime soon so i don't fall asleep on the couch like i have been for the past few nights. i think it might do me good to get a night's sleep in my own bed for the first time in a few days.

does anyone even read this thing anymore? i don't think so.

Mon, 29 May 2006 18:45:14 GMT

i got a new phone, it's the same as my old one and it cost $100 which I have to find some way to pay for, and now the backlight's not working which means i have to go to verizon AGAIN tomorrow and get another phone. damn. this pisses me off. plus i lost all my pictures on my old phone, and a lot of them were from last summer and i just hadn't ever gotten around to putting them on my computer. oh well.

i should be marching right now. that's all i've been thinking about lately. i should be with adrienne at g-west in wauseon right now at allen's field. but i'm not.

i talked to daniel last night, he called me. he's not coming home. instead he's staying out west, over 1500 miles away. i miss him, and i really wish he'd come home, but he's not going to. he won't.

Sat, 27 May 2006 18:47:00 GMT

i'm tired. i don't know how much i slept last night, but i know it wasn't much.

chris left us a while ago, he's real sick which sucks, so i'm hanging out with robert until tonight when i'm going to hang out with kayla.

last night was insane. me, chris, and robert all hung out, and did abunch of stupid crazy shit. haha

i feel real crappy today. it sucks. alot. i'd like to just drop dead right now. and i'm sunbuned. in guard we had a huge water fight at the end of practice so now i've got a sunburn. oh well, it was fun.

Sat, 27 May 2006 16:19:26 GMT

so my phone is broken, actually just the screen is, i dropped it or something like that.
this really sucks because i'm like, dependent on my cell phone completely.
i need everyone's numbers. this sucks.
oh well. my parents won't get me a new one which sucks. it's vital that i have a phone.
anyway, so being without a phone sucks. alot.

Thu, 25 May 2006 04:31:04 GMT

school is over, finally. i'm never taking spanish again, i hate that class.

summer's here. it doesn't feel like it. i don't know what to do with my time.

chris is gone and i miss him but he comes home friday! :)

Guard camp till 4 something, then dinner w/ Robert at Outback, and then tennis at Lee is the plan for tomorrow. should be a fun day.

Wed, 24 May 2006 03:59:59 GMT

last day of school tomorrow.
one exam left. i've just gotta make it through that. studying for it was bad enough just now. and it determines my grade which is really making me stress out over this.
it didn't help that i got numerous different phonecalls while i was trying to study.
and then there's guard camp. wednesday, thursday, friday.
i just keep asking myself what ifs about everything and i'm about to drive myself insane.

when all of this is over and done i plan on sleeping for days and days and days.

Tue, 23 May 2006 02:42:22 GMT

I'm so stressed out right now... big english III H finals tomorrow, and i believe this is what determines if i get an A, or a B. isn't that just great?

this week just started and it's already going rough...

i miss adrienne. a lot. i wish i was with her.
daniel left today and didn't say goodbye. that certainly didn't make me feel any better.
i'm freaking out about exams. i just don't want to think about it right now.
and i'm real annoyed right now with people (or more like two certain people) not returning calls or texts...

one thing that did make me happy today was i'm being considered for leadership next year. that's real exciting, i dunno when we're going to find out exactly who it is, probably by the end of the week i guess.